


Something Bound To Fall Apart

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Ducking Out kinda, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Someone Hug Patton Immediately Challenge, just unhealthy self-deprecating thoughts in general, maybe suicidal ideation, me straight up making shit up about how sides work, mentions of Trash Boy but no appearances of said boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 05:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20270584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Redundant (adj): not or no longer needed or useful; superfluous.





	Something Bound To Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> for this prompt from a nonnie on tumblr:
> 
> "Could I request some Patton hurt / comfort because all the recent patton hate is just too much ya feel?"
> 
> It hurts me too, my friend :( he gets hugs
> 
> the title is from Tin Man by Miranda Lambert

Logan woke upat precisely 6:45 AM every day. He performed the standard morning ablutions, dressed, and arrived downstairs between 7:00 and 7:05 – even he could not be _perfectly _exact in all things – before pouring coffee from the programmed coffee maker and settling at the table to enjoy the next one to two hours of solitude before the others woke up.

He did this every morning. Occasionally Virgil would also be there, on especially bad nights for his insomnia, at which point Logan would coax him back to bed as gently as he could manage. But the vast majority of the time, the routine did not waver.

This was a _significant_ deviation from the routine.

Patton was sitting on the couch, dressed but rumpled – he had clearly not changed since yesterday. There was a blanket around his shoulders, and pillow in his lap he was very subtly running his fingers over.

The television was on, but the “Are you still watching?” screen was blinking. Patton was staring at it, and Logan couldn’t tell just from looking if Patton didn’t notice or if he simply didn’t care.

And he was crying.

Not actively – as ashamed as it made him, if that had been the case Logan very well might have simply fled back up the stairs. He was not equipped for _that_.

But Patton’s face was red, and his eyes slightly swollen. He had either been distressed for an extended amount of time, or he had only very recently recovered – possibly both.

He didn’t seemed to have noticed Logan at the top of the stairs either. Logan could leave, if he wanted to, probably. Even if Patton was simply ignoring him, he was not likely to bring it up later.

Slowly, Logan descended the rest of the stairs.

He approached cautiously, and Patton still didn’t seem to notice. Logan grimaced.

“…Patton?” he said quietly.

Patton jumped, but only barely. He turned and glanced up at Logan, then the television, then the window where the early morning sun was streaming in.

“Oh,” he said, his voice flat. His face remained expressionless, barring the redness, and Logan began to feel uncomfortably like he was looking in a distorted mirror.

It was not a good feeling.

“Morning, Lo,” mumbled Patton, “Sorry,”

“Why are you apologizing?” said Logan incredulously.

Patton’s cheek flexed. He opened his mouth, but his jaw and the silence merely hung before he closed it without saying anything and shook his head.

“Patton, have you been to sleep?”

Patton shook his head.

“My, uh-” Patton smiled, brittle and tight and so very obviously _fake_and it made Logan’s stomach give an uncomfortable _twist._

“My room isn’t… it isn’t a great place to be, right now,” Patton said, “No big deal,”

Patton turned back to the pillow in his lap.

“Are…”

Logan swallowed the automatic discomfort with the question.

“Are you okay, Patton?”

Another false smile.

“It’s not important, honey,” he said quietly.

“That… that is not an answer to the question,”

The smile turned a little bitter.

“I appreciate you asking,” he said, uncharacteristically sharp, “But you don’t have to bother. Thank you anyway,”

He set the pillow to the side, and Logan realized that he seemed to intend to _leave_, when he was obviously distressed and had already made it clear his room was an upsetting location.

Logan did not know how to help, but he also suddenly _very much_ did not want Patton to leave.

“You are not bothering me,” he blurted.

Patton snorted humorlessly. Logan’s stomach twisted again.

“I- please,” he said, totally involuntarily.

Patton stopped moving as though he was making to depart. Cautiously – though Logan didn’t really know why, because it wasn’t as though Patton was even _capable_ of being hostile to Logan, as far as he knew – Logan approached and sat beside Patton on the couch.

“Please… share with me what is… what is wrong,”

Patton’s whole face twisted suddenly, vicious and _furious_, angrier than Logan had ever seen him.

“_Me_,” he spat, and his eyes overflowed with tears the second the word left his mouth.

“I- you?” said Logan, baffled.

Patton didn’t elaborate.

“What… what do you think you are wrong about?”

Patton looked at him like he thought Logan was being incredibly stupid, which was a strange expression for Patton in general and even more strange for Logan to find directed at _himself_.

“Honey-”

He gave another of those bitter laughs.

“What am I _not_ wrong about?”

The smile stayed, continuing it’s mission to make Logan nauseous and being very successful.

“I hurt Virgil,” said Patton, and he kept talking before Logan could protest, “Condescending, nobody said it, but I was. I made him feel bad. The nostalgia – almost all of that was me,”

“And the callback,” said Patton, “I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought- I thought I _got_ it but Roman- I’m starting to think Roman only agreed with me to make me _shut up_ and Virgil said it’s making Thomas anxious-”

Patton was becoming increasingly frantic, and Logan’s own chest was rapidly filling with some shaking and deeply unpleasant emotion.

“And the _Duke,_ it was _my fault_, I was _wrong-_”

“Patton,” said Logan, trying to sound soothing and fairly certain he fell woefully short, “You are allowed to make mistakes,”

“You’re not understanding,” said Patton immediately.

“Then- then attempt to explain it to me,” said Logan, “I am not as emotionally intelligent as you, but- I will do my best,”

Patton stared at him.

“What am I?” he said finally.

Logan blinked.

“I- can you be more specific?”

“What’s my job?” said Patton, “For Thomas. What am I supposed to do?”

“You encompass a number of functions, the most prominent being the majority of his emotions, his sense of compassion and empathy, and his morality,”

Patton nodded. He paused again, and Logan found himself floundering.

“Can you define morality for me?” said Patton patiently.

“A system or set of principles used to distinguish-”

Logan cut off abruptly.

Patton eyes were filling with tears again, but his gaze was steady.

“… to distinguish right and wrong,” finished Logan, somehow managing to speak in spite of the fact that he felt like he’d been kicked in the sternum.

“Yup,” said Patton, popping the ‘p’ in the most morose way Logan had ever seen a person do so.

“Patton…” said Logan, “No one expects you to be _infallible_,”

“This isn’t mistakes though,” said Patton, “This isn’t just screw ups, because _goodness_ knows I screw up all the time-”

“That isn’t-”

“This is _big_ stuff,” Patton croaked, “Big things, important things. And I’m messing _all_ of them up,”

“A series of _mistakes_ does not constitute-”

“Do you remember Insecurity?” Patton blurted suddenly.

Logan cut off.

“… Yes,” he said warily, “Though I don’t- I do not see how that is relevant at the moment,”

Adolescence had been a strange time for all of the sides of Thomas. They were constantly shifting, changing, swapping traits and domains and with new sides being born and disappearing almost weekly.

Insecurity came after Roman and Remus split, after Logan became Logic instead of Curiosity, but before Patton had become Morality. He had still just been Heart then.

Insecurity hadn’t been around very long – a few weeks. And then he’d been there one day, and gone the next. Fear had become Anxiety, and Heart had found himself with a touch more negative emotions than before.

They had grieved him, in their own ways. They were all parts of a whole, and it wasn’t as though he was _gone_, but it had still been strange to see Anxiety bite his nails the way Insecurity did, when Fear had always been more likely to chew on his sleeve. Little things.

“Why have you brought up Insecurity?”

Patton’s chin wobbled, and Logan’s stomach gave a sudden, borderline painful _lurch _and before he’d really thought about it he’d slid off the couch and moved to kneel in front of Patton.

“Patton, please,” he said, “I don’t- I don’t understand,”

Patton smiled at him, and this time – this time it didn’t look fake, or shallow. It was genuine, and soft, and so _sad_ that Logan made a wounded noise.

“You did so good the other day, you know?” Patton said softly, “I don’t think I told you that yet,”

He reached up to hold Logan’s face between both his hands.

“You did _great_,” he whispered, “I was- I was so _proud,_”

“You are alarming me,” said Logan, though he hadn’t realized it until he’d said it. There was a lump in his throat, and his hands were quaking, and he felt like he was just on the edge of understanding what Patton was saying but was starting to get the distinct impression that he didn’t want to know the answer.

Patton bit his lip.

“I just don’t think he needs me anymore, honey,” he whispered.

“Falsehood,” said Logan, ragged and quieter than he’d ever said it, “An unequivocal falsehood, _nonsensically_ incorrect, that is _not true,_”

“Why would he need three sides for his emotions?” said Patton, “Roman and Virgil could handle it between them.

“Stop,”

“And morality-” said Patton, shaking his head, “Virgil knows social rules, and Roman’s so _noble_… heck, _Deceit_ made a better case than me in the court room, and you, you did _so good_-”

“Stop it,” said Logan, and he recognized he was becoming slightly hysterical but couldn’t seem to calm down, “Stop saying that,”

“But you _did_, you knew _exactly _what was wrong and how to fix it-”

“I am not you,” said Logan vehemently, “I am not Morality,”

“But you could be,”

Logan had his hands wrapped tight around Patton’s wrists. They were both shaking.

“You could be,” said Patton, quiet.

“I won’t,” said Logan. He sounded utterly unrecognizable.

“Do you think I would have taken over insecurity if I had a choice?” said Patton, “Do you think Virgil would have?”

“I _won’t_,” Logan repeated, voice cracking, “I _refuse,_”

“That’s not how it works. You _know_ that’s not how it works,”

He pushed some hair back from Logan’s face with another of those miserable smiles.

“And you know,” he said, “I love you all so much. I don’t even think I would mind it, getting split up between you. Or- I don’t know, I guess I _couldn’t_ mind, maybe, if I’ll just be you, then-”

“_You will not be me,_” Logan snapped, “We need _you_, Patton, exactly as you are, you are- you are indispensable-”

“I just don’t think that’s _true_ anymore, honey,”

“Do you think if _I _was condescending to Virgil he would have felt as comfortable asking me to stop?” Logan demanded.

“Well… maybe not right away, but yeah, of course-”

“I left the rest of you to deal with the out of control nostalgia alone,”

“You didn’t _really_ leave,”

“But I made you _think_ I did,” said Logan insistently, “And I did it _deliberately,_ I was being petty-”

“I was ignoring you-”

“It doesn’t _matter_ if you were ignoring me, _you_ would not have left!” snapped Logan, “I ignore you _all the time_, all of us do, and you _never_would have left us,”

“You ignore me because I _don’t know what I’m talking about_ half the time-”

“What about our debate?” said Logan, taking Patton by the shoulders and shaking him, “Compromise, the whole point was _compromise_, and _I _was the problem in the motivation video and _you_ figured it out and- and the puppets, that was you-”

“That was _months_ ago-”

“Stop, stop, _stop it,” _hissed Logan.

Patton fell quiet.

“You’re wrong,” Logan repeated.

Logan was not equipped for this. He was not proficient in feelings. He could mechanically list Patton’s positive qualities and victories for the remainder of the day and he knew it would make no difference. Patton was still cupping Logan’s face, still wearing that resigned expression with sad eyes and a down-turned mouth. He wasn’t listening.

He was _hurt_. Patton was _hurt,_ not confused, and explaining the situation wasn’t going to make a difference. Patton thought he was going to disappear, and he barely seemed upset about. _Resigned._He thought it was the _correct course of action_ which was so distressing Logan felt his emotions slam against him and flood like someone had shattered a dam.

“You are not allowed to leave,” choked Logan.

Patton’s face immediately turned alarmed, and he quickly started brushing Logan’s cheeks which brought the fact that Logan was crying to his own attention.

“You can’t,” said Logan, shaking his head, “We need you,”

“Honey-”

“We need you to talk us into stopping to pet dogs,” he continued, “We need you because you are the most proficient hugger. We need you because you are the only one who knows how to cook and who remembers everybody’s favorite foods,”

“Logan,” said Patton, his face open with shock, and now that Logan had started talking he couldn’t seem to stop.

“We need you because Virgil and I are not sufficient discussion partners for Roman when Thomas experiences romantic feelings. We need you because Roman and I are too callous to properly soothe Virgil when he is in distress. We-”

Logan made a frustrated noise, sliding his own hands up to cradled Patton’s face in turn.

“_I_ need you,” he insisted, “I need you to… to talk me into ridiculous shenanigans with even more ridiculous emotional arguments and encourage me to prioritize the Crofter’s jam on the grocery list even though it is clearly _not_ a priority and I need you to tell me when I’m being an _ass_ and I need you to _not leave me,_”

Logan’s chest was heaving. Patton couldn’t have looked more stunned if Logan had slapped him.

“Okay?” said Logan.

Patton worried his lip, moving to wipe Logan’s face again with his thumbs.

“… Okay,” he whispered.

He nodded, then again, firmer.

“Okay, yeah,” he said, “Okay. Thank you,”

He pressed their foreheads together, and Logan normally would have balked at everything about it – their proximity, the blatant emotional display, the fact that Patton had started running his fingers through Logan’s hair and it was making him want to cry all over again – but instead Logan just climbed back up onto the couch and pulled Patton with him until they were laying face-to-face without having broken contact once.

“I’m sorry I made you cry,” Patton murmured.

“I am sorry for anything I have ever said that made you believe I could possibly live without you,”

Patton took a sharp inhale and squeezed Logan’s forearm where he held it in a shaking grip.

“I love you,” said Logan, because he still hadn’t regained control of his mouth apparently, and fuck, _why not?_ It was not as if he hadn’t hysterically revealed nearly everything else. It was not as if Patton almost certainly couldn’t _tell_ after that spectacular outburst.

“… Oh,” said Patton, voice small.

Alright. Maybe not.

“I-”

Patton voice wavered.

“… Really?”

Logan’s chest _throbbed_, like an infection pulsing in his diaphragm. He shifted his grip, pulling Patton closer until he was tucked into Logan’s chest, and Logan squeezed him entirely too tightly like he could somehow make the truth of it sink into Patton’s skin if he just pressed hard enough.

His voice had escaped him, but he did manage to nod into Patton’s hair.

“And-”

Patton’s chest jumped, and he let out a bitten off sob.

“You really don’t want me to go?”

“_Never_,” said Logan desperately, “Please do not,”

Patton didn’t bring up the fact that, if he _was_ correct, there really wasn’t anything any of them could do about it.

But he wasn’t correct. Frenetic and emotional or not, Logan was _right_– Patton was not replaceable. Emotions, maybe, morality, _maybe,_ but not _Patton_.

And if Logan had to keep him through sheer force of will alone, he would. If Patton split between them and Logan had to figure out a way to to take the pieces back and put him back together, he _would. _He’d meant it when he said he refused.

But at this moment, if all Logan could do was just keep hold of Patton so he _couldn’t_ go anywhere, well.

He would.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me at [@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com) over on tumblr! ^.^


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